Success in the boardroom doesn't always mean success in the bedroom. If you are a high-achieving woman who is successful in your career, managing a home, and coordinating time with friends and extracurricular activities, you may at some point sense that you also want more from your intimate relationship.
While being so externally focused on achievements at work and the needs of those around you, perhaps there hasn’t been much energy remaining to cultivate a fulfilling erotic life with a partner. Have you already tried to bring your strengths to the goal of improving your sex life? While some of these aspects may be helpful in the bedroom, others may get in the way of a pleasurable experience.
In the drive to succeed and serve, we may have gotten comfortable with operating predominantly from our heads, taking an analytical approach and being task and outcome-oriented. Have you ever been in a sexual experience and found yourself thinking, “If I just get to this part, then I can go to the next part. And if I get through that part, it will be over and I can go on to the other thing that I need to be doing…” This sounds a lot like inner dialogue that is very focused on efficiency at work!
Another productivity tactic may be that we suppress awareness of our biology. In the process of taking pride in our work, we may have put our body’s needs on the back burner, forgetting to eat and even brushing aside cues to go to the bathroom.
Between distracting thoughts and feeling disconnected from our bodies, we may be challenged to be present in our physical and emotional experience. We might reconsider our idea of “success” in the bedroom and sense into what truly makes physical intimacy meaningful and satisfying. Explore how to bring your capacity to collaborate into the co-creation of erotic experiences with your partner. Tap into your intuition and confidence as you communicate what you desire. Bring your awareness of your partner’s responses into resonance as you both tune in to yourselves and each other.
Discerning when and how to relax out of your productivity mindset and deeper into your heart and body will support you in this next level of achievement. If you find consultation helpful, consider that a few sex therapy sessions may provide you with additional insight and strategies.
Teresa Johnson, PhD CST
