Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of any relationship, and how couples approach these moments can make all the difference. In this expert roundup, we’ve gathered insights from leading professionals in sex and relationships, each offering their unique take on how to navigate these challenging discussions. From breathing techniques to active listening, these experts highlight a variety of approaches rooted in empathy, curiosity, and self-awareness.
Kristen O’Guin - Sex & Relationships Coach
At times in a relationship, it's necessary to have a difficult conversation. When this happens, couples can greatly benefit from utilizing the power of the breath to help maintain calm, ease, and good communication. Intentional breathing can help everyone be able to say things that might be hard to say and hear things that might be hard to hear. If you're not used to utilizing breathing in your everyday life, you could start by having everyone simply take a couple deep breaths before the conversation starts.
If you're willing to do a little bit more, each person could take 3 deep breaths on their own before the conversation begins, and then everyone also take 3 breaths together. Moreover, each person could agree to taking 2 or 3 deep breaths each time before they speak. If the conversation gets heated, the conversation could be paused in order for everyone to take 10 deep breaths. It can be especially good to take deep enough breaths that you feel your belly rise and fall with the inhale and exhale. Also, if you can make the exhales substantially longer than the inhales, this can help bring relaxation as well. If you have a hard time making your exhales last very long, you can purse your lips to make the air flow out more slowly. Breathe in through the nose, and out through the nose or mouth as you like.
Closing your eyes while breathing can also help you go inward and better resource emotional stamina and calm from within. Difficult conversations can trigger the nervous system into "fight-or-flight" mode (or "freeze," "fawn," etc.). But intentional breathing can help the nervous system remember that everyone is safe, and can help conversations be a lot more peaceful as well as effective.
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Lorean Cassidy - Sexologist
Make sure to breathe! Take a second to remind yourself that you and your partner are on the same team, you want to understand each other, it's not a debate to be "won". These difficult conversations are an opportunity for connection, closeness, and trust. Don't take them as an attack and don't try to be on the defense. Try to hear what they are saying exactly as they are saying it, without making assumptions or judgements. If you don't get it, ask for an example or for them to rephrase it. It's about understanding not winning.
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Ro Brown - Intimacy Coach
Go in with the intention to listen to the other person until they feel understood - not to get your side of the story across first. This isn't always easy, but it does help to create connection, which is a crucial foundation for any difficult conversation. Aiming to see the situation from the other person's side and make sure they feel heard is much more likely to mean they're able and willing to hear your side, and from there you can start to collaborate on a solution that will work for you both.
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Gloria Brame - Clinical Sexologist
Difficult conversations can be agonizing to start. You may think you're about to destroy the love and affection in a relationship when you're actually giving it a chance to blossom in deeper, more meaningful ways. If you're able to sit down and calmly present your feelings, you will leave more room for reconciliation and growth. Always leave space for your partner to respond with their feelings, and remember, it’s about both of you, not just one of you. Difficult conversations are not about "winning," they are about coming to a mutual understanding, and ultimately fostering a better relationship together.
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Final Words
Navigating difficult conversations in relationships is never easy, but the advice from our experts provides a diverse set of tools to approach these challenges with empathy and understanding. Whether it's using intentional breathing, practicing active listening, or pausing when triggered, each professional offers valuable insights to help partners communicate more effectively during tough moments. These methods emphasize the importance of emotional safety, curiosity, and connection, reminding us that difficult conversations can actually deepen bonds if handled thoughtfully.
Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all solution, and it's essential to find what works best for you and your partner. If you are facing challenges or have further questions about how to implement these strategies, don't hesitate to reach out to any of the professionals featured in this roundup. Their expertise in sex, relationships, and communication can provide the support you need to navigate difficult conversations and strengthen your relationship.
