Why Choosing You Makes Sex Even Better

What You'll Learn

Why choosing your sexual needs first isn't selfish—it's essential for your happiness and confidence.How putting yourself first in sex can transform your overall sexual well-being and self-esteem. Five actionable steps you can take to start choosing yourself and making your desires a priority.

Here's the corresponding podcast episode:

Let’s start with a reality check: you are in charge of your sexual satisfaction. Even though you're sharing an experience with a partner, it’s ultimately about you and what you want.

Far too often, women wait for someone else to fulfill their sexual needs. But the truth is, your partner can’t read your mind. It's up to you to understand your desires and communicate them. And yes, if that thought makes you nervous or even terrified, that's perfectly normal.

It takes courage to shift your mindset and make new choices. But the moment you choose yourself, everything starts to change. You don't just feel better about sex—you start feeling better about you.

Sexual confidence comes from choosing yourself. And when you choose yourself, everyone benefits.

Choosing you leads to:

• Believing you deserve pleasure.
• Letting yourself experience joy and satisfaction.
• Clearly expressing your sexual needs and desires.
• Listening to your partner’s desires, even when they differ from your own.
• Setting and respecting boundaries without fear of rejection.

The Myth of Being “Selfish”

Many women feel like choosing themselves in sex is selfish. But let's unpack that word.

From a young age, we're taught that being “selfish” is a bad thing. We're warned not to be greedy, self-centered, or egotistical. And yet, the very idea of self-care can feel at odds with those teachings.

But here's the truth: Selfishness doesn’t mean being rude or dismissive. It simply means respecting yourself enough to prioritize your own needs.

Men are often taught that being selfish is okay, while women are conditioned to put others first. But to have the sex you desire, it’s time to flip that script.

Choosing You: The Hard Part

When you decide that your sexual satisfaction matters—when you make it all about you—it can feel intimidating. But I want you to try something: stand in front of a mirror and say, “I choose me.” Pay attention to how your mind and body respond. What comes up for you?

This process isn’t easy. It takes time and intentional effort. But choosing you means appreciating your worth. You are worthy of a fulfilling, joyful sexual experience. Once you believe that, you can step into your role as an equal partner in your sex life.

When you choose yourself, you bring more to your relationship. Your partner gets an engaged, interested lover—and the dynamic in your partnership grows. And that’s not just sexy—it’s powerful.

Start Small, Go Slow

I know, it all sounds great, but where do you begin? It’s simple: start small, go slow. In a world obsessed with instant gratification, it can be tempting to rush to the finish line. But taking small steps helps you manage the inevitable doubts and self-talk that may try to hold you back.

Cover the Basics

Before you make big changes, make sure you're taking care of your physical and emotional needs. Get enough sleep, eat nutritious food, exercise, spend time with people who uplift you, and take time to feel attractive.

Try Doing What YOU Want

Spend just 15 minutes every day doing something that's entirely for you. Whether it’s dancing, reading, or enjoying a cup of tea—give yourself permission to do exactly what you want, with no guilt. This simple act helps you get used to prioritizing your needs.

Practice Affirmations

Positive affirmations are a powerful tool for reprogramming your thinking. Over time, affirmations can shift the way you see yourself, boost your self-esteem, and help you approach sex with confidence.

Intentionally Choose You

Every day, make a conscious choice to put your needs first. Whether it’s in the form of a small action or a shift in your mindset, these intentional choices add up, helping you feel more comfortable and empowered when asking for what you want in the bedroom.

Wrap Up

To start prioritizing your sexual well-being, pick one of the steps above and get started today. Remember: start small, go slow. And above all, trust that you deserve a fulfilling sexual experience—one that’s about you, your pleasure, and your confidence.

The journey won’t be instant, but with small, consistent steps, you can start making sex about you. We’re here with you every step of the way on this path to better sex and greater confidence.

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