Your sexual confidence isn’t defined by sex.
What You’ll Learn
- Four actionable steps to help you embrace your sexual confidence today.
- How to overcome imposter syndrome and see yourself as sexy and desirable.
- Why age and life experience naturally cultivate sexual confidence.
What is Sexual Confidence?
It’s all about vulnerability and being authentic with yourself. Confidence comes from accepting who you are—recognizing that you’re desirable and what you bring to a sexual encounter is valuable.
When you’re confident in your sexuality, you experience things fully, without overthinking. You don’t obsess about rejection, and you’re not caught up in self-consciousness. Sexual confidence is the foundation for a healthy, fulfilling sex life.
Feeling Like an Imposter?
Take a moment to check in—does this idea of sexual confidence feel out of reach? Do you think it’s something for others, but not for you? This is a great feeling to explore, so write it down and reflect.
Sexual confidence isn’t reserved for a lucky few. It can be yours.
Where Do You Start?
It begins with giving yourself permission to feel confident. Just opening a tiny door to the idea that you do deserve to feel sexy can make a difference. This is how you start cultivating a positive sexual mindset.
Why does mindset matter? Negative thoughts about your sexuality—whether it’s guilt, shame, or anxiety—can severely affect your confidence. These emotions also impact your mental health and your connection to others.
Changes like having a baby or navigating menopause can also affect your sexual confidence. But these changes don’t define your worth or ability to enjoy fulfilling sex.
The Awakening of Sexual Confidence
Something shifts for many women as they enter their 40s. It’s not just about sex appeal—it’s about embracing wisdom, knowing your body, and understanding what turns you on.
Sexual confidence isn’t dependent on your partner’s validation. Focusing too much on what your partner thinks can distract you and even chip away at your confidence. Women who feel confident in their own desires and needs enjoy sex more and care less about others’ opinions.
Lucy’s Story
Lucy, 42, says, “If I could take the confidence I have now and put it in my 20s or 30s body, I’d be unstoppable. But would I trade what I know about myself, my body, and sex to get my younger body back? No way!”
When she was younger, Lucy worried about rejection and tried to please others. She knows now that pleasing herself is the key to her sexual confidence. As she puts it, “If I had the confidence I have now at 23, I would’ve had so much more fun and spent less time worrying about what others thought.”
You don’t need to wait until you’re in your 40s to experience this transformation. It’s about learning to ask for what you want and fully leaning into it.
Four Tips to Build Your Sexual Confidence
Here are four steps to help you start building your sexual confidence. Pick one and start practicing—it’s the follow-through that leads to success.
Understand Your DesiresConfidence starts with knowing what you like. Explore your sexual preferences and figure out what truly brings you pleasure.
Name It to Claim ItIt’s not enough to say, “I want to be sexually confident.” You need to define what confidence looks like for you—explore your body, identify what feels good, and share it with your partner.
Communicate Your DesiresSexual confidence means being able to openly communicate your needs and desires, while also being receptive to your partner’s needs.
Set and Respect BoundariesConfidence also comes from knowing and respecting both your boundaries and those of your partner. Setting limits is a healthy part of any sexual relationship.
Take Small Steps
Building sexual confidence isn’t an overnight process—it’s about making steady progress. The key is to take it one step at a time. Every little step you take leads to greater confidence and more fulfilling experiences.
Remember, it’s a cycle: the more fun you have, the more confident you feel, which then leads to even more fun.
Wrap Up
- Understand what you like and what turns you on
- Define your desires and share them with your partner
- Don’t let guilt or anxiety hold you back
- Be patient with yourself and take small steps toward growth
Check out the corresponding podcast episode:
Check out Dr Trina’s Sex Boot Camp Masterclass https://books.trinaread.com/SexBootCampMasterclass
Check out Dr Trina’s Sex Boot Camp Course https://www.trinaread.com/sex-boot-camp-course
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